Breaking the Norm but Keeping the Stereotypes

Indian cinema is just about starting to explore subjects and storylines which were otherwise considered untellable because they "would not sell". The producers would hesitate because they knew that the cinema going audience was not ready to see the darker side of life or look at characters that didn't fit into their storybook idea of girl, boy, mother, father. But with the new age of multiplexes and a changed audience profile of the urban young, who can spend close to five hundred rupees on a movie "experience", movie makers are willing to experiment. So now you have movies which talk about live-in relationships, women exploring their sexuality, same-sex couples, failed parents and corporate corruption.

One such movie is "Break Ke Baad". The movie touches (yet again) the hot new topic in Indian cinema- the complexities of urban love with couples becoming less inclined to commit to marriage right away. The storylines are fairly simple, girl meets boy, boy is confused, girl is confused, they laugh , they fight, they separate, and finally in true hindi film style unite at an airport or a train station. So just when you think that you have a true break-through in cinema, you are brought back to the same old ending. In many ways just the same old wine, albeit in a swanky new bottle, complete with designer clothes, foreign locales and zippy wheels.

It seems our movie-makers have taken a leap by showing a woman willing to have just a live-in relationship, but are unable or unwilling to go all the way. They show her as a rebellious young gal but in the end they bring her back to the traditional fold by showing how "the truth ultimately dawns on her" and she agrees to the holy bond of matrimony that sanctifies her existence and conveniently fits her into the popular idea of what is acceptable. Not only that, many a times the directors use popular stereotypes to depict a so-called "liberated" woman. In "Break Ke Baad" , Deepika Padukone is depicted as someone from a broken home, calls her mother by her first name, smokes and has little respect for anyone in her life. All classic characterisations of a rebel who must then be tamed and brought into the patriarchal fold. The profile would have been far more interesting if she was a mature woman whose active choice of postponing marriage and putting career first was not just a whim but a well thought out decision.

So while bollywood is breaking the norm, it is unable to shed the stereotypes. Maybe in a few years we will see a leading lady with more than just marriage as her fate, and then she will be a more truthful representative of the mature Indian woman of today.

For a Few Thrills

The action taken by the Information and Broadcasting Ministry in India to shift shows like “Raakhi Ka Insaaf” and “Bigg Boss” to non-prime time slots is truly commendable. While I am not an anti-television person, I certainly draw the line at deliberately pushing adult and just plain crass content in front of a family audience to make a few bucks.

Taking a cue from shows like "Jerry Springer" in the US, "Raakhi ka Insaaf" deliberately creates emotionally charged situations, forcing rude confrontations on screen. People’s most private conflicts are laid bare for a thrill hungry audience to lap up. On the other hand the reality show "Bigg Boss" relies solely on the ability of a few over the top personalities to draw the TRPs. This season’s star attraction is an obese, self-centred woman called Dolly Bindra who would put a New York Harlem resident to shame with her viscious tongue.

This trend of reality shows that rely solely on cheap thrills to lure an audience is a recent phenomenon and truly a disturbing one. What started as a new genre with shows like the “Amazing Race” and “The Apprentice”, where people’s skills were tested and the thrill came from knowing that these were real people in a real competitive situation, has now become the equivalent of a peep show. We are shown people’s private fights and arguments solely for their own sake. While in a show like “The Apprentice”, the participants little asides, likes and dislikes of others were interesting, they were not the whole show. Neither were they the primary reason that the show existed. They were the social dynamic aspect of a skills show. But shows like “Bigg Boss” boast of cat-fights, arguments and collusions as the main reason for its existence.

I am no sociologist to comment on the reason behind this trend. But the fact that Amitabh Bachan chose not to host the current season of "Bigg Boss", and the producers had to rope in Salman Khan, shows that a senior more sophisticated person no longer wants to be associated with the production and it has chosen to go down a path where thrill is the only aim - irrespective of the methods used.

Life as a Bookshelf

I know it seems an odd choice but consider for a moment- doesn't a bookshelf in a person’s home tell you a lot about who they are? I say this because I have one in my bedroom and when I take a moment to look at it, I see in it a snapshot of the life that we have as a family.

To begin with there are the obvious things- photographs, the books my husband and I have read (or are planning to read). So you know the year each of us graduated, what our intellectual leanings are. But then there are the more subtle things. They are easy to miss but they will tell you a whole other tale.

In our case (no pun intended) my husband has put out a couple of “Employee of the Quarter Awards” that he received at his previous job. Initially I was confused about this display given that he never really liked working with that company, but then I realized that these awards were perhaps the pleasant aspects that he wanted to keep from the seven years he spent with them. As humans our emotions are far more complex than we are willing to let on. We may claim to like or dislike something absolutely, but that is rarely true. Love, hate, like, dislike are rarely that simple or black and white.

What you will also see in some bookcases are little knick-knacks. Souvenirs of the travels people have made. They will be displayed casually, atop a pile of books, or tucked carelessly on the side. Take a closer look at these and you will get a peek into what kind of vacations people take. The souvenirs they bring back will tell a lot. A beer drinker will bring back a small keg from Germany while a history buff like me will bring back a replica of some church I saw.

Even the more obvious items have a deeper revelation. You can tell a lot by the pictures and the books people choose to show. It is not surprising then that the largest photograph in my bookshelf is that of my husband with his mother because that is dearest relationship to him. And both of us have our Graduation pictures displayed prominently. As professionals our education is our biggest asset and that comes through in the pictures we have put out.

Generally speaking, what you see in a bookcase is a deliberate choice that someone has made. It is a part of their identity that they have pieced together. It is done hoping that what we put out tells the world “This is what I do and this is what I like”. But just like you should not judge a book by its cover alone, don’t judge a person by the more obvious things you see in a bookshelf. Look for what it is not showing. That is where the true story will be revealed and you never know what surprises you may find.

Lost your job? No worries!

The appointment of the ousted HP chief by rival Oracle raises some fundamental questions about the state of business today. Not only does it reek of sheer opportunism on the part of Oracle, it also sends a message that American businesses have become far too tolerant of dishonesty in the high ranks. The latter should not be surprising given what the powers that be at Lehman and AIG did for their investors and consequently to the world economy. It is all right to manipulate rules as long as you are delivering short-term profit and create a perception of value for the shortsighted share traders (note, not Shareholders).

At another level It also raises a disturbing suspicion that there just might be a growing shortage of qualified senior personnel in America. If Oracle was to pass on Michael Hurd, how many other suitable candidates does it really have? So if you are a senior executive with fifteen years of relevant experience, you can be pretty sure that you will be in demand and therefore enjoy a certain amount of freedom in your behavior while in the office.

All this only stresses the need for Americans to shape up and prepare more young talent to take over corporations and uphold people to a higher standard of ethics.

A Mother's Prayer

As a new mother the well being of my son is the most important thing to me. Not to say that once he grows up I will be any less concerned for him, but it can be generally agreed that a new born needs more love and attention than a child of any other age.

By now he and I have established something resembling a routine around the everyday tasks of bathing, cleaning, feeding and sleeping. I can even somewhat read his various yelps and feet banging. However there are times when I am still unable to read him. Those are, needless to say, the most difficult and agonising moments, especially when accompanied by crying. And every time that happens I am shaken by his helplessness and dependency on me. I am forced to think- what of those helpless children who are ignored, abandoned and who have no one to listen to their cries? That is why I would like to send up this most humble prayer to God for all the children in the World.

"Dear God let no child go to bed hungry. Give each of your children a warm, clean bed. Let there be peace where they sleep so that they may smile with the happiness of sweet dreams and when they awake let there be a concerned ear to listen to their cries, a warm hug to soothe them and a loving heart to guard them."

People we Meet Along the way

Having my baby has been a transforming experience in more ways than one. Of course there is the whole being a mom thing and how for the rest of my life now I will always be a parent before playing any other role but there have been a few humbling realizations along the way and I sure hope that I will not forget these lessons.

The biggest has been that when someone said no man is an Island they were bang on. The journey to having my little boy was an unusually tough and arduous one. I was lucky to have an incredible family support system that saw me through this but I also met some strangers along the way who made the everyday things easy by just being the way they were. There was the lady who my mom found to give me a leg massage as I was confined to my bed forced to lie flat for nearly two months in a hospital room and the girl who came from the local lady’s salon to give me a manicure and a pedicure so that I still managed to look human through the months. It was not so much what they did but how they did it. The massage lady realized that my mother and I needed her as much for the company as for the massage. So she became our daily dose of gossip and chatting. The girl from the salon gave me the manicure while I lay down flat! I can’t imagine that it was easy for her but she did. Similarly for the nurse who gave me my daily shots. She took that extra bit of care to make sure that even if it hurt she had a soothing hand and a word.

I haven’t met any of them since my boy arrived and really don’t know if I will, but their association will stay with me forever. It has taught me that in our lives even the shortest encounter can have a lasting impact on our lives. And while we may consider ourselves all modern and self sufficient, a one-man army rarely wins the battles in life. We all need that helping hand even if it is brief and that of a stranger.

The Romance of Bringing up my Baby Boy

I don’t know if most new, and especially first time mothers, will agree with me when I say that bringing up a little one can be a romantic adventure. Between the endless feeds, sleepless nights and clothes that smell of milk all the time, it is sometimes hard to see even the logic of having a baby, forget the romance. But I am asking you here to take a leap of faith with me and perhaps stretch the definition of romance just a little bit. After all what is romance if not a feeling of insurmountable love for another person?

And that is what we mothers feel for our little one. I know that every smile, every cry, every little coo and ga that my boy makes, means the world to me and there are times when I love him so much that it makes my heart ache. As the weeks pass and I see him beginning to recognize me, the pleasure that brings is unlike anything else. Just as we yearn for the attention from our lover or husband, his little indication that I am special can make even the toughest day go easy.

Motherhood means long sleepless nights and often a lot of fatigue. But to me it also means a time for special bonding with my baby. There are times when, as I change him, he will suddenly grab my finger and give me a little coo and a smile, almost like sharing a little secret with me. It is like a promise that he is mine in a way that he can never belong to anyone else.

I love to watch him sleep just so that I can be next to him and never miss a moment of his precious life. And much like all of us remember the exact moment in time when we first met that special someone who changed our lives, I just have to close my eyes to see his yelling, startled face as he came into this world. He was swollen, covered in goop but he was beautiful in my eyes.

And as we do our special version of the waltz every night to the Mozart humming softly from the crib-mobile, I look forward to the day when he can take me dancing. It maybe his wedding day and the reigning queen of his heart maybe another lady, but he will know that I was the first woman who loved him unconditionally and truly forever.

Courting Controversy the Shashi Tharoor Way

Our man, the very dapper Mr. Shashi Tharoor certainly has a knack for courting controversy. When he is not calling economy class “cattle class” he manages to upset the high command of his own party by commenting on the policies of it erstwhile founding member-Nehru. And now the suspect connections between him and a Dubai based beautician, who seems to have gotten a $15 million stake in an IPL team, has put him right back in the eye of the storm.

Sure Mr. Tharoor is innocent till proven guilty and I even understand him when he calls economy class air travel what it is, but what he must realise is that he is not me or simply an acclaimed member of the elite intelligentsia any more. He is now a member of the ruling party and he must pay heed to the political correctness that his situation demands. Yes he is young, dynamic and his public school education has given him a distinct erudition and intellect, but he is now the leader of the common man and has to connect with him.

This common man neither knows of nor appreciates Twitter. This common man walks miles just for clean water and to him a journey in the economy class of any airliner would be a luxury beyond imagination let alone a trip in cattle class, and this common man cares if his elected leader even seems to be making millions through a thinly veiled sports franchise while he and his family wonder where their next meal is coming from.

So my suggestion to Mr. Tharoor is- do not be a politician but you definitely need to understand the sensitivities that your new role requires. Nothing you do is personal any more. Everything private about you is open for public discussion. Sorry man it comes with the territory. Tweet Tweet!

Letting HUL Own a Bunch of Villages Maybe Just the Solution We Need

One side of the paper carried an article on how over 65 million people lived under conditions where they were forced to survive on less than Rs 365 a month and the other side carried a story on how a global consumer goods giant was eyeing India as its main platform to meet its target of doubling its sales and acquiring a billion new customers worldwide. Certainly there is something wrong with the picture. How can a country with so many millions of people, forced to sell their subsidized food grains just to survive, be a source of customers who are able to pay for “luxury” items such as branded bathing soap and toothpaste? But then that is the grand paradox called India.

If we want we can look at this paradox and shake our head in despair, certain of the failure of both our Government and the ambitious MNCs to change the conditions. Or we could be innovative and see the opportunity. There are a hundred schemes that are currently being run by both state and Central Governments to improve the lot of people who live in these conditions. These schemes provide funds for everything from subsidized grain to affordable Life Insurance for the chief wage earner of the family. The intent is right and the schemes are needed. The failure occurs at the last mile- the level of execution and successful distribution and awareness.

If we recognize this, surely we can bring in experts who can help us solve this very problem- that of distribution and execution. And then we will see that the juxtaposition of the two stories in the newspaper is actually a happy coincidence because it shows us a whole new possibility of Public-Private partnership.

What I am proposing here is that Consumer goods giants such as Coca Cola, HUL, P&G, Godrej and others be give the opportunity to fulfill their ambitions. What if they were allowed to bid for groups of villages and given the responsibility of implementing the schemes that are being run by the Government? These companies certainly have the know how and the distribution reach to ensure that the schemes are implemented correctly. After all distribution and accountability of assets is their life blood. In exchange they could be given tax-credits and also the opportunity (for a limited time) to be the exclusive supplier of goods they would like to sell.

The “rural” and the “bottom of the pyramid” opportunity has been acknowledged by almost all of these companies and they have responded by taking out more affordable an suitable variants of their existing products (e.g. a vitamin boosted tea, shampoos in Re.1 sachets, smaller bottles of beverages). If the Government is able to put together an attractive enough incentive for these companies which is commercially viable, I am certain that we can make a sea change in the lot of rural India, implementation of aid schemes and see whole new era of public-private partnerships.

From Father With Love

The phrase has a whole new meaning in light of the controversy that is currently surrounding the holiest of the holy- the Papacy. The Vatican has responded with sufficient anger at the media reports that Pope Benedict helped cover up cases of paedophilia while heading the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. And come to think of it- what else can they do at this point. This is not the first time such accusations have been made and most end up with nothing more than an apology.


But isn't it time that someone in the Church starting treating the disease rather than the symptom? Sexual abuse is only one part of the various unseemly aspects of the Catholic Church that one hears of. There is the case of the Magadelene laundries from Ireland and also the stories of thousands of children forced into convents by Sisters who felt they were at danger of moral corruption because they did not have stable family lives.



Every religion has its moral codes and so does the Catholic Church. Trying to question them all would be fruitless exercises. But when some practices have worldwide and serious consequences, that religion should be open enough to re-examine those doctrines. Accusations of abuse in the Catholic Church have only escalated over the years and the storm shows no signs of blowing over. Maybe it is time for people and for Governments to sit up and take notice. After all if France and Quebec can take the bold step of banning Burqas in public because they undermine the dignity of women in a free-thinking society, isn't the cause of millions of abused children worth it?

Equality Matrimonials- are you serious?!

As a married woman you may question my intention behind the close scrutiny I gave the matrimonial column in the Sunday edition of a leading English Daily. But when something has the intriguing title of “Equality Matrimonial” it is bound to attract attention. You immediately wonder if there are also some inequality matrimonials lurking around that you don’t know of!

So my curiosity got the better of me and I decided to give this new age matrimonial a read. It turned out that the newspaper felt that there is a population out there which feels that a “traditional” matrimonial doesn’t really spell out all the complex needs and expectations they have of a marriage and need a new specialized matrimonial version that lets them spell out in detail what they are looking for in a prospective life partner.

What I read both surprised and disappointed me. The two large “letters” written by “liberalized” women sounded like a badly written pre-nuptial agreement that ensures minimal emotional ties are formed and what they get in the name of marriage is an alliance of convenience. Agreeing to a marriage like the one these women seem to desire would entail keeping separate finances, parental responsibilities and even houses. Neither partner is under any “traditional” pressure to do anything more than they absolutely have to, will put their own careers first and acknowledge the presence of in-laws only if allowed complete freedom in every aspect of thier married lives.

Now I can see how a relationship like that may hold merit for someone – especially some women who have worked very hard to build their identities and have tasted the bitter impositions of traditional set-ups where they are instinctively expected to sacrifice everything for home and hearth. They are simply protecting what is theirs and which men so easily take for granted. So my grouse is not with the relationship nature. All I question here is why call it a marriage in the first place. If you have the guts to demand absolute “freedom” why not break free from the shackles of a traditional relationship type called marriage? Why not simply agree to be monogamous with a man till it works out for both sides, and give him a special place in your life and proudly show that some religious ceremony, a certificate is not needed to seal your “relationship”?

Maybe it is because even though these people (and I refer here to both men and women who have advertised in this section) have not been able to take the final step to breaking away from all conventional notions of what a lasting bond between a committed man and woman should be. They still want to be “married” though the alliance is nothing like what we know as marriage. They want that social sanction and protection of the law that is given to “married” couples and at the same time want the freedom of the single male or female.

At one level it may just be the perfect solution for the new generation (and I use the phrase at the risk f sounding far older than I am because I think the situation is grave enough to merit the risk) but at another, it is a death knell of a beautiful and much maligned social system.

A marriage is not any more unequal than any other relationship. Whether it is that of a parent-child, employer-employee, each relationship often requires one to give more at one time than the other. To assume that a traditional marriage will always mean that the woman giveth and the man avariciously taketh, is wrong. I know plenty of committed couples where the man has willingly taken on domestic responsibilities, shared the burden of his in-laws, because the woman has made him realize the importance and the benefit of it. To be a strong man or a woman who should be part of an equal relationship does not mean keeping everything separate. It means having the self-belief and the skill to form a loving relationship where respect and freedom is earned by both and freely given by both. It needs no pre-nup type agreement from an “equality matrimonial”. It needs the simple understanding of two human beings who know together is better than separate and are willing to work at it even if it sometime means sharing.

Three Girls and a Rahul- I will be watching, will you?

Let me begin by confessing that I am going to watch the Grand Finale of the circus called "Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega- Swayamvar Season II" (Rahul will take the bride- Season II of choosing your spouse). I am going to watch it for many reasons- I want to know who Rahul will finally select and who he will reject and whether he will actually wed the girl LIVE! Last season Rakhi Sawant did not and that has simply created more curiosity.

But the fact that I am going to watch this show does not mean that it has not provoked me (and my guess is many others along with me) to think what this phenomenon is really about. Clearly inspired by the American shows Bachelor/Bachelorette, the show - Swaymavar- lays to public view the most private and intimate of human pursuits- search for a life partner. You have well educated, smart young men and women willingly risking public humiliation of rejection in the hope of marrying a person they barely know. They woo the "eligible" person, get filmed in intimate moments, knowing that only one of them will make it to the final and the rest will have to live with the tag of being the "reject" for the rest of their lives. So why do these people do it and equally importantly why do we watch them make fools of themselves in a show which we all know is a charade?

The men and women certainly do not do it for the bachelor or the bachelorette up for grabs. Take this season's groom- Rahul Mahajan. Very ordinary looking, and his only claim to fame being that he is the son of a slain politician and someone who has courted controversy after controversy while his father was alive and after and came close to death once in one such escapade. Throughout the show I saw nothing that revealed exceptional intelligence or character. He was clearly guided by the producers to give canned answers and responses at each juncture and in a "grilling" session where he was supposed to talk of his shady past, he simply glossed over the issues ending with a heart wrenching story about his father's funeral. So it is not the lure of a "catch" that is attracting these women.

The answers are perhaps far simpler than we think. Speaking for myself I watch the show because of its slick production value and because as always we love to watch others get embarrassed ( yes that is the reason we like watching people get knocked about in slapstick comedies). Mean spirited as it may sound, we watch to see who will get eliminated and humiliated and not so much to see who will win. And as for why the participants put themselves through this humiliation- can it be anything other than a hunger for their fifteen minutes of fame? All of them are young, good looking and obviously ambitious. This is their quick ticket to public exposure, which they can later parley into some gains depending on how savvy they are.

So at this intersection of unembarrassed public curiosity and unbridled human ambition the media has found a winning formula for a television show even though it flaunts all emotional logic and in the case of the Indian show even makes a mockery of the various wedding ceremonies by having the rituals performed for multiple brides and grooms at the same time. It certainly helps the production house's case that our Indian weddings so willingly lend themselves to glamour, pomp and show and it has to be said NDTV has done a darned good job of milking it all. So best of luck to them and more mindless TV watching to the likes of me. After all they make the show because we watch it!

BJP is Cashing in on the Scared Sentiments of a Nation Facing Difficult Times

Reading this piece of news today made me realize just how political parties use rhetoric and populist statements to win popularity when the common man is down and out in the face of everyday problems.

BJP’s newest President Gadkari (their answer to Congress’ Rahul Gandhi if I may say so) is criticizing the UPA government on two fronts that are sore points with the public right now. Terrorism and inflation. His rhetoric offers no solutions and focuses instead on blame and a suggestion to do nothing. In essence he is giving the people a dummy to burn and someone on who to thrust the blame.

I am no expert in International relations but what common sense tells me is that at times of conflict it is most important to keep the lines of communication open. If the Indian PM has decided that the foreign secretaries of India and Pakistan should re-open the lines of communication, it should not be taken as a sign of weakness on the part of our country. After all it is only the strong who can afford to be generous. Also we must realize that when an attack and its evidence are fresh, discussing it is more likely to have a result.

Regarding inflation- there are multiple reasons why prices are rising. Not the least of which is the relaxed credit environment to help the economy deal with the global economic crisis. BJP might say that the “aam admi” is not the beneficiary of these measures since he is not really running factories or looking for huge loans. But it’s the industry that is creating wealth in the nation that is trickling down to the same aam aadmi. So the interest of the industry needs to be protected.

No political party should usurp the debate on what is wrong with the state of the nation for the sake of their own political gains. Over-simplifying larger issues creates a biased public opinion, which, in a democracy and multi-party governments can stymie genuine measures to correct those same ills.

Does our childhood ever really leave us?

Like most people I have my small collection of devotional music. An eclectic mix of bhajans, chants and even a CD that my husband’s friend recorded for us of a Colorado based American singing the Hanuman Chalisa. But each morning as I look for what to put on and get my dose of bhajans, my hands will instinctively go for the CD that has bhajans I grew up listening to. It is a collection called ”Premanjali Pushpanjali”.

If it is playing in the background and I close my eyes, I am instantly transferred back to my parents’ bedroom in the small town in Punjab where I grew up. The Digital sounds of the CD change to the small sound that my mother’s prized Sanyo two-in-one used to play. I can hear her pottering around her room on a Sunday morning cleaning up and the soulful strains of the singer floating in the air.

The same is true of food. Carrot halwa is a favorite of North Indians in the winter months when the delicious red carrots are in season. Many people cook this universal favorite to almost a crisp consistency till the carrots are a deep brownish-red. My grandmother’s version was a more milky concoction where the carrots were soft and you could taste the thickened milk as the flavour burst in your mouth. She embellished it with a few almonds. That was it. Simple and clean. And surprise surprise, till date I will pick my granny’s version over any other. If someone serves the dish with cashews, raisins etc. I will unknowingly pick out all other embellishments save the almonds and enjoy the dish only if it is milky.

All this makes me wonder- if the hold of our childhood is so strong in simple choices like bhajans and dessert, surely it must have a serious and lasting impact on more significant things like value systems, morality and the way we handle our relationships. I know a lot has been written about this subject and the link is well known. But when I you think about it this way, you realize that the hold goes down to such a deep level that many of us are not even aware of it. Many a times we may be making choices and not even realizing it because we are unable to avoid that course of action. And it also means that if needed, weeding out the influence of childhood is a very tough thing to do. You can change what you are aware of. How do you begin to correct something you don’t even realize is wrong?

So as parents it only increases our responsibility that we are wise with our child’s childhood. Not to be paranoid, but parenting can not be an unplanned activity because when we choose to give that apple to them instead of a bag of chips or are rude to someone in public, we are pretty much ensuring this what they will do when we are not around

Should you lend money to someone who cannot pay Rs.1500?

Strange as it may sound to the average Indian, but now you can actually buy a pair of jeans on installments- and yes they will even give you the whole garment at the time of the purchase (ha ha) !

Read an article this morning that talks of a partnership between Levi Strauss and a leading bank in India offering a plan whereby you can buy jeans over Rs.1500 and pay only one third upfront and the rest in equal monthly installments. My first reaction was “These Americans- here they come barging into our economy and infecting it with their ideas!” I was irked, but not sure why I was irked. After all if some young bloke out there can now dress well, improve his self-esteem and eventually become a better person for it then why not?

But after thinking through this I realize what bothers me about this. There is nothing wrong with borrowing money per se (because that is what this scheme really is (they are lending you the money you don’t have and will take it from you later). But when it is for non-essential purchases it straddles the dangerous line between consumption to up your standard of living and pure indulgence. Once acquired, the habit of spending before you earn, is a hard one to break.

Having lived in the US for sometime I have seen such schemes. People will pay deceptively small sums of money to stores to “hold” garments for them till such a time as they can buy the garment. Many will never purchase the garment and simply have sunk money to feel like something is within their reach and those who will eventually buy will land up paying much more than they should have and then too when they obviously have a shortage of money.

Ironically, the smaller the ticket price of the item being purchased on an EMI basis the more the danger of the default and of it being a bad financial choice for the individual. After all if you can not afford to shell out Rs.1500 at one time how sound is your cash flow situation? And also the seller is not likely to do a real credit check on you for such a small amount. A car or a home loan is another matter altogether.

So my grouse with EMIs for a pair of Rs.1500 jeans is that it is obviously a scheme to cash in on the desires of the young and the restless who are not yet mature enough to fully plan their finances and are at a risk of becoming a new population of defaulters.

Public Parks as Private Spaces- A Uniquely Indian Paradox

Anybody who goes for a stroll in the few public gardens of our large cities will have faced this phenomenon. Hormone charged young couples “hiding” behind bushes and the fake concrete-wood machaans and other structures, satisfying their carnal instincts. Most private of acts being carried out in public spaces. I would like to call it a nuisance. But I hesitate. What I see in it is a uniquely Indian phenomenon.

Most of us would agree that as a society we have relegated sex, both the act and any other expression of it, to the most private of realms. So private are we about it that we would like to deny its existence and most young couples blush at the mention of having children as it implies that they have committed “the act”. But paradoxically, our youth is forced to take this very private act to the most public of places- our gardens, historical tourist spots, cinema halls and corners of restaurants.

Perhaps the main reason for this paradox lies in the cramped housing situation in most cities and complete lack of privacy in homes as a result. A youth cannot (unlike in the West) bring a girlfriend home and spend some “cozy” time with her in his room. Even newly married and older couples rarely have rooms to themselves and are forced to seek out the anonymity of public places to spend some intimate time with each other.

So whether it be Nehru Garden near Delhi University or the open façade of Marine drive, when our youth makes out in a public place they may not have the blanket of privacy but have the cover and comfort of anonymity. You see it brings up the age old issue- does a tree in the forest really fall if no one hears it falling. Just something to think about in the most populous nation of the world.

Rediscovering Your Siblings

I have a younger brother and a sister. Growing up we did not spend too much time together. My sister and I went away to a boarding school when our brother was very young. Even we were together there was very little that just the three of us did to help us form a bond that is unique to siblings. In a household full of cousins, aunts and uncles, our circle of relationships was so large that it left no room for a unique place for each other.

Also when I look back I feel that in our teens and early adulthood we had very little emotional ability and dare I say even the motivation to really think about each other at any deep level. If anything, we fought (like most siblings) to have the upper hand in decisions like what movies to go to, what television set to buy and who would have to sacrifice our nice AC room to sleep downstairs under the fan with our grandmother!

But having come to a more mature stage in our lives, where each of us has something of our life-paths sorted out, and a stronger identity that is not just derived from our parents, I feel that we are closer now than we have ever been. Having become individuals we are now finally a group. Even though each of us lives in a different continent and this summer met up after nearly five years, there is a closeness that was not there before.

Having discovered this new bond, I have come to realize that in a world where the traditional family structures are changing radically and social support systems can be often hard to come by, a sibling can be of great comfort. First of all there is the comfort that comes from a long period of shared values and upbringing. I can for example talk to my sister about certain quirks about my parents and she will instantly understand. Where as with a stranger or even my husband that level of empathy will never come. Also with a brother or a sister it is far easier to take criticism and even unsolicited advice. You just know that it is coming from the goodness of their heart and a concern for you. You are not wondering if they are just saying things to be hurtful or to force a choice down your throat.

Technology has made it easy for the three of us to stay in touch. I am a part of my sister’s every day travails with her two little kids and get regular updates as my little brother struggles to start his own business in Australia. For their part they have been able to give their support to me during my current pregnancy and together the three of us are now a far greater source of strength to our parents than before.

So my advice to anyone who reads this- go make that phone call to your brother or sister. You will discover a friendship that is both rewarding and fun and will bring you a lifetime of comfort.

The National Game is worth Rs.1 Crore- that is it!

I had to count the number of zeroes twice! I could not believe that the Indian Hockey Team had needed just that amount to go back to practice and it had actually taken a stand-off to get that money from the sponsor.

I am not even going to compare that amount to the money that is spent on cricket in this country because that comparison is overdone and not valid anymore given the cult following cricket has. I am going to compare it to a sport of the elite and very new to the Indian masses- Golf. A news report recently spoke about how the prize money for the biggest tournament in the country is close to 7 Crores!

So why can’t we get Rs. 1 Crore for our National Game? Who is responsible for preserving the dignity of the game? To me the responsibility lies squarely on the shoulders of the Government. After all Hockey is our national game and as long as it is that and does not have commercial backing, surely it should be propped up the Government. After all if we were not committed to the sport then why did we agree to host the World Cup?

The Government can not absolve itself of this responsibility and when private sector participation is not forthcoming, it must make arrangements for the funds. If not, then own up to it, change the National sport and do not host any more Hockey World Cups.

Whose 1-800 number is on your ULIP?

Today’s column in The Mint by Monica Halan touches a topic close to my heart and warrants a comment, even if it is to spit out what has been bothering me for over a year now.

End of 2008 I quit my job as VP at one of the largest Financial Products distributor in the country. I had spent close to two years at the firm and having worked in Retail and the more exclusive Private Wealth Management group, I had by then seen the whole spectrum of what it takes to get people to give you their money to grow it. Yes, the pitch and the clients in Retail Insurance and Private Wealth Management could not be any more different, but essentially in both cases you are asking someone to believe you that you know of the perfect place for them to park their money and where it can grow.

But that is not where the similarity ends. Both situations are wide open to fraud and sales spin. And this is where my comment on Miss Halan’s column comes in – unlike her I believe that the burden of rectifying this sordid state of affairs cannot rest squarely on the shoulders of the regulatory bodies alone (we have seen what little good audits and checks did in the case of Satyam!). The consumer is not just a victim of the corrupt Distribution system, but also of manufacturer apathy and their own unwillingness to learn. And we must attack all three sources of corruption at once if we are to succeed.

Let us first look at Manufacturer apathy. Distributors are but agents and therefore by definition simply extensions of the corporations that design and manage these financial products ranging from the deceptively simple ULIPs to the certainly more complex derivatives. A Distributor is a distributor whether they are selling you shampoos, cars or in the case a financial product. Just as you would expect that a Toyota would train its dealers to give you accurate information on its cars, as a consumer you should expect that these corporations such as ICICI Prudential, HDFC, Reliance Life Insurance, would ensure that their agents are not mis-selling their products. After all the cheques you write at the time of purchase are made out to these companies and not the agents and also the 1-800 number you see on top of your document is for the manufacturer not the agent! But as an insider let me say- this rarely happens. If a Distributor is showing remarkable sales success, a Relationship Manager from the Manufacturer is happy to “overlook” some of the shortcomings. After all his sales target at the end of the quarter is not going anywhere.

We are underestimating the moral responsibility and also the power that an honest manufacturer can have in correcting and errant distributor. By truly linking incentives to training, regulatory adherence and dedicating resources to regular investigations, a manufacturer can provide the much needed grass roots correction for this problem. And this will happen only the day the Manufacturer realizes that it is ultimately their responsibility to ensure that their product is sold correctly. After all the ULIP I have bought is not an ABC agents’ product but one belonging to ICICI Prudential.

Finally let us not absolve the consumer in all of this. If Indians can spend hours haggling with a vegetable vendor on the quality of a single tomato, why can't they spend a minute questioning the if not irrational but almost unrealistic promises of the sales people touting these instruments? Surely we must take responsibility for the safety of our hard earned money. The recent success of ULIPs as instruments of vestments had much to do with the meteoric rise of the stock market and the innate human trait to want to make a quick buck. Greed has driven us to abandon our better judgement and we must pay the price for it. So let us not treat investments with the same ignorance as we would if we bought medicine from a road-side “khandani dawakhana” set up under a tent and promising to solve all our medical woes overnight.
The manufacturer, consumer and the regulatory bodies must form a holy trinity to kill this devil of false information on financial investments.