I Want to be Amazed

I know it is another post about something being a mother has taught me, but .....so the other day I was talking to a friend on the phone and as it invariably happens, the discussion turned to Kabir. She did what most people do, asked me questions like " oh he must be walking now! Must also be saying a few words!". I know she meant it all in the most loving way just like everyone else in the family. But it got me thinking. When she said all this, it sounded as if it was a given that all of this must be happening now.(and thank God it is!) but at the same time there was also an implied statement that this is what happens, there is nothing novel about it, this is predictable stuff. I repeat, perhaps no one means it that way but for some reason that is what it sounded like to me.

In life all of us will often find ourselves in a situation where we take the path much trodden. Our experience will be very akin to what somebody has gone through and maybe we will not be breaking new ground. The nervousness and anticipation of the first day at your first job, the restlessness and the excitement from your first love, the yearning for home food when away in a foreign land and in this case, raising a child. But while what we feel may have been felt by millions, the emotion that we feel at that particular moment is ours, its new and it is unique. And if we did not feel that way, won't all the fun just vanish from new experiences?

So while my child is following a predictable path of growth (thank God yet again!), I will make no excuses for being madly excited at his first steps, or celebrating his first words with joy, or being delirious when he gets new teeth and feeling like I am the first woman on earth to have a child and all of this has never happened before. I want to cherish each moment, I want to enjoy it for its uniqueness, I want to be amazed.

The Journey To Freedom

Yes tomorrow is India’s Independence Day, the day we celebrate the official transfer of power from the rule of the British Queen to that of our own elected government. I add this homegrown technical definition because freedom of a country in my mind has two aspects, the political and the other more socio-cultural. August 15^th is the date that marks the political freedom; hence it has a definite date. But the other freedom is really an ongoing process and I wonder what will really mark the achievement of that.

Growing up I heard such sarcastic phrases as “ Angrez chale gaye par angrezi chhod gaye” (translated- the British have gone but they have left behind their language- English). This is often used for people who speak English and the listener feels that they were merely using a language to impress. So are we still caught in the bondage of a foreign language? Maybe. There is no doubt that the ability to speak English is a huge advantage for us economically but unlike most Europeans, we have not been able to separate the commercial use of the language from the need to use it simply to feel superior. Most of our regional languages are still referred to as vernacular and even our PM makes most of his announcements in English. Catch any European political leader doing that!

On the flip side, for a few years now there has been a definite bravado on the street about being an Indian. You hear people tout the great Indian education system, our huge IT prowess and the fact that the Indian Diaspora the world over is a gallery of leaders and acclaimed achievers (Pandit heading Citi, Nitin Nohria elected Dean at Harvard). Indians have moved beyond pride in “we invented the zero, or we have a long history of art, culture etc. to achievements that are of today. No one is interested in merely resting on our laurels anymore.

To look at the state of the “aam aadmi”- no one really knows how many people live below the proverbial Poverty Line. I am not an economist but my guess is that will depend on where you draw the line. But one thing is for sure- you walk into a house in an average (not completely remote) village today and there is a cell phone in the house. People have some definite timeline of when electricity, and a “pucca” road will come their way and if they want, they have access to health services, agriculture related help etc.

There is no saying when we will be able to completely break the shackles of corruption, discrimination and general apathy towards civic responsibility, but there is no denying that we are headed in that direction. At less than seventy years, we are still a young nation. Our press and media are freer than in most nations and certainly freer than a certain large neighbour that censors even Internet usage. And when one sees the scams coming out of countries like UK, and sees the “Inside Story” on the 2008 economic crash, you have to adjust your perceptions. Even the freest nations have their civic woes and continue to struggle with issues similar to ours.

In the end let us recognize that complete freedom is a constant journey – one that we began when we got political freedom on August 15^th 1947. Let us acknowledge the rights and responsibilities it gave us. The right to build a nation the way we want to and the responsibility to build a nation that we can all be proud of. Jai hind!

Yet Again, A Debate On Technology As A Double-Edged Sword

By now all of us have seen (albeit not completely able to believe yet) the terrifying scenes from one of the most developed regions in the world. It is no longer the slums of India or the by lanes of Karachi that are the scene of riots and looting. It is the capital of one of the most powerful nations in the world- London.

The debate on what triggered this extensive violence will fill our TV screens for some time to come but along with this another debate is running in parallel- the role played by technology- more specifically instant messaging, social networking and phones- in helping rioters systematically coordinate their moves.

While you cannot blame providers of IM services like Blackberry, what does need to be investigated is the growing trend of younger and younger people having access to technology. And I say this with plenty of self-reflection because my sixteen-month old son is practically a Youtube junkie, thanks to me taking the easy way out to entertain him. Granted he watches only baby stuff but still….

Technology implies power and independence. If you have a phone or a laptop of your own, who you talk to and what you say, stays largely private and in the case of children goes mostly unsupervised. But how many of us view a telephone as a source of power? If you really think of it, a phone is in reality as enabling as giving children money, or letting them drive. It lets them take actions that they would otherwise need adult permission for. Like talking late at night, talking to anybody they want, sharing pictures, taking pictures. Compound this with the features in today’s Smartphones and you have a situation that does need a second thought. We may consider phones a pure convenience but the reality of London burning shows otherwise.

So while I am not in favour of asking RIM to suspend its IM services, I do intend to think about giving my child access to devices. I am in favour of realizing that technology can be a double-edged sword and as parents we need to be aware of it and be prepared for it.

We Forget The World Is Made Up Of Humans And Not Just Economic And Political Systems

Riots in England, downgrade of the US sovereign debt by rating agencies, growing sentiments of protectionism the world over and the falling stock markets, all indicate a chaotic world that at the moment, is feeling quite directionless. As a layperson with some knowledge of history and the economic and financial cycles, I feel like we are headed for a world that will increasingly become a difficult place to navigate, invest in and live in.

Thanks to information technology, end of the cold war and globalization, the past few decades have seen the world become a smaller and smaller place. When you order an I-Pad sitting in your home in India, using your US credit card, it gets shipped from China to a destination of your choice anywhere in the World. This is possible because it is all backed by complex IT systems installed for a US company by non-US people and the willingness to send manufacturing outside the US (and hence share revenues). The keyword here is really willingness to share, and not so much globalization. A non US company sees an opportunity in the worldwide market this kind of globalization can offer but has also accepted the fact that all of this will mean sharing technology, revenues and systems with non US companies and people.

Similarly globalization of any other kind, whether it is agricultural import-export or free movement of students across borders, all implies a willingness to share in exchange for wider revenue opportunities. Capitalism and free market also imply the same spirit. There is willingness to let go off protectionism in exchange for faster growth and greater opportunities. In other words deregulation has been the mantra the world over in exchange for growth.

But the events of the past few years are now beginning to show the uglier side of this deregulation. While greater gain and faster growth all sound very nice, what we perhaps are forgetting in all of this is the fact that people will be people. The moment there is a threat to their territory they will do anything to protect it and also given a chance, it is very rare that someone will let go of the opportunity to make money if it is easy and legal but is harmful to other people. In other words selfishness and greed are basic to most humans and deregulation it seems has brought into being circumstances where greed caused so much destruction that we are now being forced to become selfish and fight for our territories.

So when the markets crashed in 2008, suddenly all the software jobs being sent to India began to irk the US citizens who were very happy till then with the falling prices of their IT systems thanks to cost optimization offered by off shoring. And come to think of it what caused the crash but the fact that because of excessive deregulation of the US financial system greed was allowed to run rampant. A few clever people in top banks came up with a way to spin money using temporary gains but leaving millions of people in a lurch for the long term. Greed caused a system to fail and left people with no choice but to become selfish and start protecting whatever little they were left with.

So while I am unable to comment on where the raging debt crisis in Europe can take us and how the US will deal with its increasing debt, it does look very likely to me that the common man of most countries will want to feel protected against effects from outside economies and may even fight against globalization. The riots in UK seem to be just the few stirrings of this. So maybe the history of the world is really just a cycle of openness followed by chaos followed by a period where everybody closes up to recoup till they feel comfortable sharing again.

It is human nature to want to explore, grow and seek new gains, and that gives rise to systems like globalization and free economies. But if we forget that these systems are driven by people and not just policies written on paper, it is also perhaps inevitable that these systems will fall victim to the same greed and selfishness again and again and be replaced by an era of chaos and loss of faith.

Some Things are Universal

Life has a way of teaching us lessons when we least expect it to. Sometimes these lessons can be so simple that we are left wondering as to how we missed it. One such lesson came to me on the shining rays of the moon one evening a couple of days ago.

My husband's ninety-year-old grandmother is in the hospital and a few evenings ago I was on the night vigil. To take a break I went down to a little public park next to the hospital. Finding no other place to sit except the benches in the kids play section I sat down. I hadn't seen my son the whole day and was missing him. Just then as if on cue, a young woman walked in with her friend and her infant daughter in her arms. After walking around a bit they turned the child's face skywards and pointing out the shinning disc in the sky to her said, "Moon, chanda mama (uncle moon as he is fondly called by many here in India)". The child's eyes widened and she lifted her tiny fingers to try and touch this wonderous object. I could not help but smile. My son does exactly the same thing. Ever since we introduced him to this constant companion of the night sky, it is his daily routine to look for it and wave to it and beckon it with full fervour.

All over the world, parents and caretakers introduce a young child to the world around them. I am sure what a child learns and perceives differs from culture to culture and family to family. But seeing that little girl do just what my son does, I could not help but wonder how there are some common things that transcend all barriers. The sun, the moon, birds and dogs and cats seem to make their way into a child's life very early. Somehow they have a universal appeal. Maybe it is born primarily from the fact that they are everywhere, but I think it is also because they are simple things that are easy for children to love and relate to. Easy first steps as it were to getting acquainted to the new world they come into.

A child's world then perhaps begins out really simple and uncomplicated. He or she first learns things that are universal and transcend divides of language, culture or geography. It is only with the passage of time and greater adult intervention that complexity begins to arise. This is not to say that culture specific learnings are somehow undesirable. Contextual learning is natural and critical to social survival. But the loss is when we are unable to see that we all really start out the same. The same things fascinate us; there are many common things that make up our world. In fact as adults we lose site of the common threads that tie us. In pain we all seek an affectionate physical touch. When hurt most people will instinctively cry out for their mother. When scared we all have similar physical reactions. Our adrenalin will rush, we will get into a defensive pose etc. Before being anything else we are all humans with deep-seated common instincts. But somehow with age we all forget that and before being human we become part of a country, a religion, a caste or a group.

That day this encounter with the child got me thinking that maybe the world would be a friendlier place if we all kept our eyes and ears open to these common things that tie us together as a race. Maybe it would be a brighter place if we all kept the child in us alive and didn't forget to be fascinated by the gentle rays of the shinning moon.

Check out CRY - Careers FAQ

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Tomorrow my little boy turns One!

Tomorrow my little boy turns One! I have looked forward to this moment from the time that I knew I was pregnant. Whenever I saw other mothers with kids that were walking, talking or sitting up, I would draw a mental picture for myself of the day he would do all those things. As he hits this milestone and I see how he has turned from this sleepy little bundle in baby sheets to a little brat who has us all on our toes through the day, I have no words to describe the journey or the feelings that this event brings.

But there is also a sobering realization that comes with it. Tomorrow is a big day for him and yet in many ways it will be a day like any other. He will wake up and want his breakfast and then refuse it. Try as hard as I can I will scowl at him a couple of times as he pushes aside his spoonful of stewed apples, and I will look forward to the few hours that he will sleep soundly and I can get other things done. Honestly! So what does this say about me as a mother? Is it that I am not excited about his Birthday tomorrow and will it not be special for me? Not really. In fact what it means is that special as his Birthday and all other milestones will be, each day with him is equally special and cherished by me.

Very often in life we wait for that perfect moment or that perfect setting to enjoy and celebrate what we have. Someone may hold on to that rare bottle of wine in anticipation of the perfect moment to uncork it. Another may buy a new dress and wait for that one occasion to wear it. And when that wine sours and that dress goes out of fashion untouched, we lament at the lost opportunity to savour a pleasure that life had offered us. All of us wait like this for something or the other thinking that somehow our happiness will be incomplete unless all our preconceived ideas are met, when all we are really doing is putting conditions on our happiness; a happiness that can be ours everyday.

And this is really what I wish for my son as he turns One. May he realize the value of each and every moment in his life, celebrate every little occasion, every small victory and never miss an opportunity to smile. He will achieve many things as he grows up and there will be many milestones to commemorate, but my hope is that he will not wait for the destination to celebrate but instead rejoice in every moment of the journey that takes him there.

Happy Birthday my prescious and may you smile always! Lots of love from your mummy.