Great Expectations

They looked so happy together. Like only a father and son can, and I stopped to watch them. I had been standing there for a couple of minutes when it struck me that I had never seen this dad  downstairs in the play area before. The boy is well known to me but I had seen the dad only occasionally that too when he came to say bye at school car pool time. He certainly looked like a good dad- all cheerful and attentive. So did the fact that he hardly came downstairs to play with his son make him a lesser dad in anyway? My instinctive answer was "no!". But then another question flashed instantly- so why did I feel disappointed when my  husband hardly came down to join my son and me at play time? What dawned on me at that time was that very often what we are so willing to understand in others' behaviour we are very unwilling to overlook in those who are closest to us. We hold them to different standards. Isn't that a little unfair?

All in all what a little rumination on this incident taught me was that while it is not wrong to want something from those you love, be willing to cut them some slack. Sometimes it will help if you look at those closest to you with the eyes of a stranger. You might be surprised at how you feel towards the things they do. Don't burden them everyday with the weight of  the things you want from them because great expectations make for greater disappointments.

It can Only be Called "Google Car"

We took a drive around Columbus Indiana today. Nothing extraordinary about that you would say. But what if I told you that we did this sitting right here on our beds in an apartment in a suburb of Mumbai? And when I say drive I mean we saw what the driver was seeing real-time, including the rain drops on the wind screen, the signals changing at the traffic stops and the people wheeling their trolleys in the parking lot of the Walmart. And whats more we did it using the most basic of internet and data connections and an I-Pad here in India and an I-Phone 5 in Indiana.

It was amazing. It truly felt like all of us were right there. My husband who is right now in Columbus showed us all around town- his hotel, the office building, the town hall, where he does his groceries. And when the phone was in the moving car, the feeling was like being in a 3-D movie with superb graphics.

To think of it, till less than fifty years ago speaking with someone in the US meant almost a years' wait and then too just a "hello hello" over a bad connection. And now at anytime all I have to do is gently touch that little "Facetime" button on my I-Pad and my son and I can connect with my husband and even check out what he has in his fridge! (that by the way is my son's favourite thing to do)

Hard to say what will become possible in the next fifty years. But for now I am just glad and thankful for all this technology that is keeping us so close and so connected. Thanks everyone at Apple and also my apologies. Because even though it was your devices that made this possible, I still can't think of a better name for this than "Google Car!".

The Long Wait Begins

Its dark outside and even the birds are not stirring yet, but thousands of women across the country are up preparing for a long day of fasting, longing and waiting. Its Karva Chauth. Its the day that married women of some Indian communities must abstain from food and water between sunrise and moon-rise. They must brave acidity, hunger pangs and I am sure some serious questioning internally as to the logic of this ritual, to show how much they love their husbands, and pray for their long life now and the opportunity to be married to them for at least the next seven lives.

Indian cinema and television has long cashed in this festival. spinning tales of romantic husbands secretly fasting with their wives or swinging the other way and portraying the dutiful wife ignored by the husband who couldn't care less whether she starved for him. And why not? The whole waiting for the moon and the ritual of the husband breaking your fast lends itself so well to our idea of cinema.

So ladies around the country and around the world, a Very Happy Karva Chauth. May the moon rise early tonight. And may, in true Bollywood fashion, your handsome beau feed you with his own hands to break your fast before your hunger breaks your resolve to love him despite everything.

The Conviction of Rajat Gupta

Rajat Gupta a former Director at Goldman Sachs and the former worldwide head of Mckinsey & Co. was convicted today for securities fraud and insider trading. The New York judge gave him two years in Federal prison and a $5 million fine. I say he got off easy. I don't know if the information he leaked directly affected the fortunes of many people, but I know that when someone of his stature violates a fiduciary duty they are guilty of a far worse crime than an ordinary citizen. After all he got the positions he did because he was considered better than others, more capable than others and finally more trustworthy than others.

I am not directly aware of the good that he has done in terms of philanthropic acts  or working with various foundations to raise funds and implement poverty alleviation schemes, but how can that qualify you to be let off the hook for a crime you have committed otherwise. This is not like the carbon credits that we may accumulate in the future and apply them against excess energy consumption and wastage elsewhere  It sounds a little exaggerated when the Bill Gates and the Kofi Annans of the world say that in him the world is going to lose one of the leading advocates for the poor. If indeed he is that powerful and influential then he needed to be even more vigilant of not abusing his position of power. And what is to say that if his violations of securities laws had gone unchecked he would not have misused his other positions in the future? Yes there is a need to give due recognition to the work he has done and maybe give him the opportunity to continue that in some form once he is out and even if possible while in Federal prison  but that can not be an excuse for breaking the law and getting away with it.

The deep financial crisis and disaster the world faced in 2008 was largely a result of the acts perpetrated by people just like him.  They used thier positions of power and decision making, and access to information to manipulate the system for their personal gain regardless of the impact it had on the larger population. Therefore it is very critical that such crimes should be treated seriously. So whether it is Joe Smith or Rajat Gupta, due punishment should be given for the crime the person committed.

Starbucks Comes to India

Yes there are the other international chains but for most people in urban India Starbucks is still the gold standard. News makers say that the ultimate test will lie in the taste. The best coffee will win. But who is really going to Starbucks to just have coffee? People will go there to be seen. Now all the rich kids from SOBO will know where to get there coffees for their ritzy car cup holders and the next time you walk into your office with a cup of coffee from CCD, people are going to wonder why you could not shell out that extra Rs.10 to get the good stuff.

So yes people will go there to drink coffee and there will be some who will prefer the coffee they get at some boutique cafe or even what they brew at home, but if Starbucks plays its cards right, it will play the game that is most successful in India..the game of brand. In my opinion they are very well placed to become the affordable luxury coffee brand. And if they can help all the social climbers inch their way up, then they will have carved up a niche.

Will it be fun for Kareena When she dresses up for her Wedding?

I confess to reading news stories about Bollywood stars and their latest escapades. I do also click on slide shows if available when they show celebrity weddings. I just love seeing all the finery the women turn out in. Like most women I love beautiful clothes and where better to see them than at celebrity weddings? So when a news website flashed "exclusive" pictures of the Saifeena sangeet from last night, I could not resist.

Unfortunately I was disappointed. First, they had no clear shots of any of the women in their lovely outfits and the pictures of Kareena were also quite unclear. Second, Kareena was looking like what she looks like in most of her movies. No different. The outfit was no more glamorous, the jewelry no more striking. I just flipped through a couple and logged out. But then I thought- what can the poor thing do? She has probably worn clothes designed by all designers that matter. She has been decked with jewelry that can be the envy of queens, so what is left for her to do now? How can she possibly be as excited as any other Indian bride when she gets ready for her wedding day? She will possibly not feel the same flutter that other young girls feel when they wear all their wedding finery knowing that this will perhaps be the one day in their lives when they will get to wear the fanciest of clothes and accessories that they can afford? I know that there will be all that emotional stuff about finally being married to the guy she loves- but I am talking about the sheer materialistic pleasure of getting to indulge in all things extravagant and beautiful. 

So unless Manish Malhotra and the family jeweler of the Kapoors conjure up some magic, the poor little famous girl is going to look like a clone of her many Bollywood avatars. Lets hope the internal happiness is more than enough to make up for any of the missing outer pleasure.

Stirring the Custard

I spent the afternoon today making custard for my darling nephews. I couldn't bear the disappointment in their voices last evening when they realized I had planned just jelly for dessert and no custard. So I decided to use an hour of my "free" time (read time when my lil monster sleeps) to make up for the error. As I stood stirring the custard after it had cooked, my mother's instructions kept running in my mind. "You must stir it till its absolutely cool. If you leave it still there will be lumps and malai on top" and that of course was just unacceptable!

I had to stir for a good half hour till the lemon yellow mixture cooled. With each progressing minute I had to use more and more muscle power because the mixture was thickening as it cooled.  As I stirred it struck me that as kids all of us used to jostle with my mother for the "privilege" of stirring the custard and I could not help but wonder why we would actually fight to do all this hard work?

When we were young and my mother made custard it was considered an honor to be given this duty to make sure there were no lumps in it. The smoother the mixture the greater the happiness of the stirrer. So we would labor over the bowl of custard with a thick spoon under a blasting fan, praying that there would be no lumps. But now that I do it all by myself, I have to wonder if my mother was not being the quite little Tom Sawyer making us  fight to paint the proverbial "white fence". God knows I adore my mum, but I would not put this little cunning past her. Now as a mother I can actually empathize. Who would not relish the opportunity to put all that energy of two growing girls to fruitful use once in a while?

For my mum the reward must have been a job well done and a few minutes of peace while the kids were fruitfully engaged but for me the pleasure was different. My son being too young to help, I rewarded myself with the pleasure of licking the remaining custard off the spoon and the pan, and if I may so myself- it tasted just yummy. So thanks mum for the recipe and all that practice stirring the custard.