Memories

If you come to think of it, our memory or more precisely, other people's memory of us is really in many ways like our soul. It is all that survives after the body has gone, and just like the Bhagwad Gita says about the Soul- fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it and wind can not dry it. It never dies and never really takes birth. It is the surviving consciousness, the only proof of us having been there.

Memories of older people help to tie new generations together. In many ways these memories  are critical to the fabric of a society. They establish bonds and remind people how and why they are connected. They are what continue traditions, relationships and our ways. The biggest contribution an older person can make to a family or the community at large is to leave behind what I would like to call "active memories"- some references which people can count on to guide them into the future and take the past with them.

So as we live our lives and prepare for whatever may lie in the nether world, let us make a conscious effort to create memories which will help those who are connected to us. Let us leave behind tales, traditions and ties that will stay long after we are gone. Let us make sure that what survives us is worth remembering.

"A Mindset of Vigilance"

After the Boston bombings all you hear on the news and radio are calls for a more vigilant, closed and alert America, and frankly who can dispute the need for this given that a couple of young boys can so easily disrupt the peace and security of this country's cities? But necessary as that might be, it is not a happy thing. It is saddening to think that a nation, a people, so entrenched with a feeling of freedom and openness should have to change its very core.

Historically, America as a nation has been built upon the pioneering spirit of immigrants. Those who dared to do were welcomed here and got the opportunity at a fresh start. For centuries it has been a land where people came from anywhere and everywhere and made it their home. In many ways this was also responsible for its success- people with a go-getter spirit are hard working, innovative and in the end more likely to succeed.  So, if this new wave of what can only be called necessary paranoia does manage to grip the psyche and the soul of this nation, what will it do to its spirit? I am sure the answer is not a very comforting one. It will stifle something very critical, something that keeps societies from slipping into the dead landscape of a risk-free stagnant life.

Innovation,diversity and tolerance are what move a society and more critically the human race, forward. If you take these away and replace it all with "a mindset of vigilance", people will only be spending time  avoiding danger never having tasted the rewards that come from taking a risk.They will exist but never really live.

So That is why They Call it Spring

Driving back home today after dropping off Kabir to school I was surprised by how different the landscape was looking, suddenly. The gloomy, barren look of the tress was replaced by an almost green haze of the tiniest of tiny leaves, the cherry blossom trees had very visible pink blossoms, and the grass- wow what a green! Seriously, till early this week everything still said- WINTER, and now all this life seemed to be literally "springing" out of everything. A couple of good rain showers, some warm weather and lo behold we are in Spring. The change is like the name, sudden, swift and taking you aback. It is almost as if nature was there, standing at high alert behind the bark of the tress, under the dead grass in the ground and at the edge of the branches, and just as it saw the first sign of change from the weather Gods- it jumped, or rather sprang out and just put forth its bounty. So here is looking forward to a beautiful spring full of balmy days and lots of fun outdoors! Enjoy the season.

The Everyday Bravery

Just thought of writing a little note to mark a small but significant act of heroism from none other than my little Kabir. He started school last week and as expected, the first few days were difficult- a lot of crying, clinging and anxiety and that's just me. So I can only imagine his state of mind. But this week my lil trooper is really making an effort.

Yesterday he was ready and out of the door by 8:30 without any crying and when we reached the school, he spoke almost to himself saying- I will not cry and mama will come after snack time. When we reached the class room he ran and hid behind the teacher and with eyes that spoke a million words and belied the smile on his face, asked me to leave because "he loved school so much".

So here is wishing my lil boy all the very best on all his future journeys and may he always have the strength to meet the challenges and rally ahead.

Holi and the Colour of Nostalgia

Yesterday was Holi and I would have completely missed it if it hadn't been for the advertisements on the online versions of my favorite Hindi soaps. I wished whoever I could by SMS, e-mail, on FB and on the phone and we went out for my favorite Italian dinner giving me an evening off from cooking. But it didn't feel the same. Not that back in India we did anything great , it has actually been years since I really celebrated the festival, but here the "not doing anything"just seemed more compounded. And that is when it hit me- it was going to be pretty much like this for the rest of our lives here. Other than Diwali, there really wasn't going to be much celebration on some of the occasions that we grew used to in India. Our "Indian" celebrations were going to get relegated to that one big holiday and the rest were really going to be the American holidays.

And maybe this is what change is really about. This is really what is meant by having to leave the familiar behind and getting used to the new. It is not only about the physical place and the people, but also the whole gamut of things that you are so used to and that keep the rhythm going for you. And frankly it is harder than I thought. Back in India whenever somebody would ask me if I was comfortable living so far from home, I was always quick to say that I can live "ANYWHERE" and that technology made it so easy to stay in touch. But while there is Facetime and Skype and Haldiram can be mail ordered, the sights and sounds of back home are hard to mimic and recreate.So the next time someone asks me whether I miss home I will admit to being nostalgic and miss no opportunity here to enjoy things from back home.

A Tale of two Bananas

I woke up a couple of days ago and there sitting on my dinning table were the two bananas, and just as I had feared they had turned black. The kind of black that tells you there is no rescuing them now and they can no longer be eaten as is . I had bought them with all good intentions. I would use them to satisfy all those after dinner sweet cravings but after the first three I just could not eat any more and had slipped to the dark side- chocolate that is.

With the bananas my first instinct was to just close my eyes and chuck them but then I stopped. Now, five years back I would not have done the deed. I would have just thrown them without a second thought and made a mental note to just buy two bananas at a time. But six years on, a stint in India and I am wiser. I realized that these would be perfect for the perfectly unhealthy banana nut bread that Manish's aunt made for us and that we would gorge on greedily! So I have a friend coming over this afternoon and the two of us are going to spend a couple of hours eating lunch, chit chatting and making banana nut bread with my over ripe bananas.

This morning when I looked at them I smiled knowing that they would be put to good use. And the bananas are really just one example of what my stay in India has taught me. The first time I came to the US it was different. I did not know what to expect - both of the country and the business of running a house. This time I know the first well and the second much better that before. So as always, time has revealed its purpose. Maybe I needed to go back to India to make a better life here. Maybe what looked like a not so good an idea at first was really a black banana waiting to be turned into yummy banana bread. So like the two bananas without which the bread would never taste the way it does, my life too is a tale of countries- without either of them, it would not be quite the same.

The Things we Don't Think About

We recently moved to Columbus, Indiana, USA. I have lived in the country before but my son has not. So my apprehensions were more around him and not so much around how I would adjust to a new place. I was worried about him getting used to the cold, the food, the accent, the car seat and the loneliness. But as it turns out all those are manageable and he has taken to his new surroundings quite well. It’s the things I didn't think about that are turning out to be a challenge. 

Over the weekend we met some great Indian families who live around here. One of the couples has a lovely daughter called Ananya. The mother introduced her to all of us in Hindi and the child said "Namaste" in a very slightly accented Hindi- all very unusual and obviously a result of a lot of hard work on the part of the parents. I was taken aback for a moment and had to remind myself to reply politely and in Hindi. On the one hand I was super impressed at the mother but on the other hand it filled me with puzzlement. I had no action plan worked out to keep my son bilingual! The boy stopped using Hindi back in Mumbai itself and given our tendency to speak English at home, it seems quite an impossible goal. Besides I have never really put that down on my list of things to do. I was left wondering if that made me a "bad" immigrant and a "bad Indian". Should I not be worrying about how my child will absorb the culture I grew up in and how he will stay connected to his roots?

Its Monday morning, and I am still confused. Not so much about how to achieve the goal of an “Indian” child but whether that is important to me. I moved here because I knew it was the best thing for my husband’s career and the kind of education Kabir can get here would be very hard to come by in India. I never really thought how that would impact his sense of culture, language and a sense of belonging. Frankly I felt, until the weekend that is, he would grow up like kids around him and as long as we gave him the right values, he should be fine. And maybe that still holds true and he will be just fine. But meeting Ananya has made me think that very often there are things that we just don’t think about when making the big decisions in life. The everyday practicalities have a way of working themselves out, but some big questions take time to unfold. So I guess I will just wait and watch in the absence of any clear answer from my heart and hope that I can ultimately see the light on what is right by him.