For a Few Thrills

The action taken by the Information and Broadcasting Ministry in India to shift shows like “Raakhi Ka Insaaf” and “Bigg Boss” to non-prime time slots is truly commendable. While I am not an anti-television person, I certainly draw the line at deliberately pushing adult and just plain crass content in front of a family audience to make a few bucks.

Taking a cue from shows like "Jerry Springer" in the US, "Raakhi ka Insaaf" deliberately creates emotionally charged situations, forcing rude confrontations on screen. People’s most private conflicts are laid bare for a thrill hungry audience to lap up. On the other hand the reality show "Bigg Boss" relies solely on the ability of a few over the top personalities to draw the TRPs. This season’s star attraction is an obese, self-centred woman called Dolly Bindra who would put a New York Harlem resident to shame with her viscious tongue.

This trend of reality shows that rely solely on cheap thrills to lure an audience is a recent phenomenon and truly a disturbing one. What started as a new genre with shows like the “Amazing Race” and “The Apprentice”, where people’s skills were tested and the thrill came from knowing that these were real people in a real competitive situation, has now become the equivalent of a peep show. We are shown people’s private fights and arguments solely for their own sake. While in a show like “The Apprentice”, the participants little asides, likes and dislikes of others were interesting, they were not the whole show. Neither were they the primary reason that the show existed. They were the social dynamic aspect of a skills show. But shows like “Bigg Boss” boast of cat-fights, arguments and collusions as the main reason for its existence.

I am no sociologist to comment on the reason behind this trend. But the fact that Amitabh Bachan chose not to host the current season of "Bigg Boss", and the producers had to rope in Salman Khan, shows that a senior more sophisticated person no longer wants to be associated with the production and it has chosen to go down a path where thrill is the only aim - irrespective of the methods used.

Life as a Bookshelf

I know it seems an odd choice but consider for a moment- doesn't a bookshelf in a person’s home tell you a lot about who they are? I say this because I have one in my bedroom and when I take a moment to look at it, I see in it a snapshot of the life that we have as a family.

To begin with there are the obvious things- photographs, the books my husband and I have read (or are planning to read). So you know the year each of us graduated, what our intellectual leanings are. But then there are the more subtle things. They are easy to miss but they will tell you a whole other tale.

In our case (no pun intended) my husband has put out a couple of “Employee of the Quarter Awards” that he received at his previous job. Initially I was confused about this display given that he never really liked working with that company, but then I realized that these awards were perhaps the pleasant aspects that he wanted to keep from the seven years he spent with them. As humans our emotions are far more complex than we are willing to let on. We may claim to like or dislike something absolutely, but that is rarely true. Love, hate, like, dislike are rarely that simple or black and white.

What you will also see in some bookcases are little knick-knacks. Souvenirs of the travels people have made. They will be displayed casually, atop a pile of books, or tucked carelessly on the side. Take a closer look at these and you will get a peek into what kind of vacations people take. The souvenirs they bring back will tell a lot. A beer drinker will bring back a small keg from Germany while a history buff like me will bring back a replica of some church I saw.

Even the more obvious items have a deeper revelation. You can tell a lot by the pictures and the books people choose to show. It is not surprising then that the largest photograph in my bookshelf is that of my husband with his mother because that is dearest relationship to him. And both of us have our Graduation pictures displayed prominently. As professionals our education is our biggest asset and that comes through in the pictures we have put out.

Generally speaking, what you see in a bookcase is a deliberate choice that someone has made. It is a part of their identity that they have pieced together. It is done hoping that what we put out tells the world “This is what I do and this is what I like”. But just like you should not judge a book by its cover alone, don’t judge a person by the more obvious things you see in a bookshelf. Look for what it is not showing. That is where the true story will be revealed and you never know what surprises you may find.

Lost your job? No worries!

The appointment of the ousted HP chief by rival Oracle raises some fundamental questions about the state of business today. Not only does it reek of sheer opportunism on the part of Oracle, it also sends a message that American businesses have become far too tolerant of dishonesty in the high ranks. The latter should not be surprising given what the powers that be at Lehman and AIG did for their investors and consequently to the world economy. It is all right to manipulate rules as long as you are delivering short-term profit and create a perception of value for the shortsighted share traders (note, not Shareholders).

At another level It also raises a disturbing suspicion that there just might be a growing shortage of qualified senior personnel in America. If Oracle was to pass on Michael Hurd, how many other suitable candidates does it really have? So if you are a senior executive with fifteen years of relevant experience, you can be pretty sure that you will be in demand and therefore enjoy a certain amount of freedom in your behavior while in the office.

All this only stresses the need for Americans to shape up and prepare more young talent to take over corporations and uphold people to a higher standard of ethics.

A Mother's Prayer

As a new mother the well being of my son is the most important thing to me. Not to say that once he grows up I will be any less concerned for him, but it can be generally agreed that a new born needs more love and attention than a child of any other age.

By now he and I have established something resembling a routine around the everyday tasks of bathing, cleaning, feeding and sleeping. I can even somewhat read his various yelps and feet banging. However there are times when I am still unable to read him. Those are, needless to say, the most difficult and agonising moments, especially when accompanied by crying. And every time that happens I am shaken by his helplessness and dependency on me. I am forced to think- what of those helpless children who are ignored, abandoned and who have no one to listen to their cries? That is why I would like to send up this most humble prayer to God for all the children in the World.

"Dear God let no child go to bed hungry. Give each of your children a warm, clean bed. Let there be peace where they sleep so that they may smile with the happiness of sweet dreams and when they awake let there be a concerned ear to listen to their cries, a warm hug to soothe them and a loving heart to guard them."

People we Meet Along the way

Having my baby has been a transforming experience in more ways than one. Of course there is the whole being a mom thing and how for the rest of my life now I will always be a parent before playing any other role but there have been a few humbling realizations along the way and I sure hope that I will not forget these lessons.

The biggest has been that when someone said no man is an Island they were bang on. The journey to having my little boy was an unusually tough and arduous one. I was lucky to have an incredible family support system that saw me through this but I also met some strangers along the way who made the everyday things easy by just being the way they were. There was the lady who my mom found to give me a leg massage as I was confined to my bed forced to lie flat for nearly two months in a hospital room and the girl who came from the local lady’s salon to give me a manicure and a pedicure so that I still managed to look human through the months. It was not so much what they did but how they did it. The massage lady realized that my mother and I needed her as much for the company as for the massage. So she became our daily dose of gossip and chatting. The girl from the salon gave me the manicure while I lay down flat! I can’t imagine that it was easy for her but she did. Similarly for the nurse who gave me my daily shots. She took that extra bit of care to make sure that even if it hurt she had a soothing hand and a word.

I haven’t met any of them since my boy arrived and really don’t know if I will, but their association will stay with me forever. It has taught me that in our lives even the shortest encounter can have a lasting impact on our lives. And while we may consider ourselves all modern and self sufficient, a one-man army rarely wins the battles in life. We all need that helping hand even if it is brief and that of a stranger.

The Romance of Bringing up my Baby Boy

I don’t know if most new, and especially first time mothers, will agree with me when I say that bringing up a little one can be a romantic adventure. Between the endless feeds, sleepless nights and clothes that smell of milk all the time, it is sometimes hard to see even the logic of having a baby, forget the romance. But I am asking you here to take a leap of faith with me and perhaps stretch the definition of romance just a little bit. After all what is romance if not a feeling of insurmountable love for another person?

And that is what we mothers feel for our little one. I know that every smile, every cry, every little coo and ga that my boy makes, means the world to me and there are times when I love him so much that it makes my heart ache. As the weeks pass and I see him beginning to recognize me, the pleasure that brings is unlike anything else. Just as we yearn for the attention from our lover or husband, his little indication that I am special can make even the toughest day go easy.

Motherhood means long sleepless nights and often a lot of fatigue. But to me it also means a time for special bonding with my baby. There are times when, as I change him, he will suddenly grab my finger and give me a little coo and a smile, almost like sharing a little secret with me. It is like a promise that he is mine in a way that he can never belong to anyone else.

I love to watch him sleep just so that I can be next to him and never miss a moment of his precious life. And much like all of us remember the exact moment in time when we first met that special someone who changed our lives, I just have to close my eyes to see his yelling, startled face as he came into this world. He was swollen, covered in goop but he was beautiful in my eyes.

And as we do our special version of the waltz every night to the Mozart humming softly from the crib-mobile, I look forward to the day when he can take me dancing. It maybe his wedding day and the reigning queen of his heart maybe another lady, but he will know that I was the first woman who loved him unconditionally and truly forever.

Courting Controversy the Shashi Tharoor Way

Our man, the very dapper Mr. Shashi Tharoor certainly has a knack for courting controversy. When he is not calling economy class “cattle class” he manages to upset the high command of his own party by commenting on the policies of it erstwhile founding member-Nehru. And now the suspect connections between him and a Dubai based beautician, who seems to have gotten a $15 million stake in an IPL team, has put him right back in the eye of the storm.

Sure Mr. Tharoor is innocent till proven guilty and I even understand him when he calls economy class air travel what it is, but what he must realise is that he is not me or simply an acclaimed member of the elite intelligentsia any more. He is now a member of the ruling party and he must pay heed to the political correctness that his situation demands. Yes he is young, dynamic and his public school education has given him a distinct erudition and intellect, but he is now the leader of the common man and has to connect with him.

This common man neither knows of nor appreciates Twitter. This common man walks miles just for clean water and to him a journey in the economy class of any airliner would be a luxury beyond imagination let alone a trip in cattle class, and this common man cares if his elected leader even seems to be making millions through a thinly veiled sports franchise while he and his family wonder where their next meal is coming from.

So my suggestion to Mr. Tharoor is- do not be a politician but you definitely need to understand the sensitivities that your new role requires. Nothing you do is personal any more. Everything private about you is open for public discussion. Sorry man it comes with the territory. Tweet Tweet!