On Being Dumped by Karan Johar

About forty five minutes into the latest offering of Dharma Productions I realised that Karan Johar had dumped me and perhaps most women who are about my age. He and Dharma Productions were now catering to the next generation of young boys and girls for who the definition of love, romance and fun is discernibly different. We lapped up the sensitive, subtle and soft love of KKHH, and KKKG and KHNH where the heroines dressed up in fuschia and silk, still had dreamy stars in their eyes, blushed at the hot looks of Shahrukh Khan and cried when they lost the love of thier lives. This new gang of gals and guys actually says "I hate luv stories" and have other plans for the years we spent finding and losing love. In Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani and Student of The Year, romance is not the key ingredient. In many ways these movies are not so much love stories but rather stories about people who are in love. They cover so much more about these people. Love and romance is no longer the driving force of these stories or the lives of the people in them.

As I near forty I have been wondering if it should have an impact on the way I dress, what I should plan ahead for and maybe even how I have fun. The age and the physical ageing has been easy enough to accept but maybe some of the social aspects have been difficult to get a handle on. So maybe this is the nudge I needed to tell me that I am finally part of the "older generation". There is a whole generation of people younger than me who feel and behave differently.

So thank you Karan for being there with just the right brand of romance when I needed it and now for subtly showing me that it is time to grow up. Even as you dump me and my kind, we can still watch re-runs of our favorite flicks and go back occasionally to the land where we were once the reigning queens of someone's heart.

A New Definition of Quality vs. Quantity

The collapse of the garment factory is Bangladesh brings to the forefront once again the inhuman conditions that make it possible for the developed nations to keep consumer spending up, inflation low, while ensuring that credit is still freely and cheaply available. Essentially ensuring that even though people are spending a lot of money- which they don't have- the prices of goods don't go up. Someone somewhere has got to pay the price for the excesses of today's consumption based societies. And as it happens, the people at the bottom of the food chain are the ones who are bearing the brunt of it.

In my lay person's understanding of the American economy, everything comes to a screeching halt if people don't consume more. But in order to get them to keep consuming more, the prices have to stay attractive. Now the cost of materiel things that go into the making a piece of clothing, say cotton, can not be brought down beyond a point. Global commodity forces are at play there. But what can be controlled are labour costs. And that is what happens. Suppliers out of developing nations are squeezed to pinch pennies and they cut the cost that is the easiest to cut- labour cost. Garment manufacturers are in the lime light here, but I am sure the working conditions of laborers in India and China who churn our household goods or kids toys aren't any better.

The question to ask is - are we as a consumer willing to pay the "actual" price of what it costs to produce a good. And by that I mean the cost that would be incurred if the labour was paid fairly, enough to lead a life that would be equitable to the similar person living here in America or any other developed country. Would we be willing to pay $2.00 extra for a pair of shoes if we knew that it was manufactured in a facility that treated its workers well? Would we perhaps be willing to cut down on the number of things we buy so we could buy more expensive things and yet not break our budget? Are we willing to sacrifice our quantity for the quality of another human being's life?

Memories

If you come to think of it, our memory or more precisely, other people's memory of us is really in many ways like our soul. It is all that survives after the body has gone, and just like the Bhagwad Gita says about the Soul- fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it and wind can not dry it. It never dies and never really takes birth. It is the surviving consciousness, the only proof of us having been there.

Memories of older people help to tie new generations together. In many ways these memories  are critical to the fabric of a society. They establish bonds and remind people how and why they are connected. They are what continue traditions, relationships and our ways. The biggest contribution an older person can make to a family or the community at large is to leave behind what I would like to call "active memories"- some references which people can count on to guide them into the future and take the past with them.

So as we live our lives and prepare for whatever may lie in the nether world, let us make a conscious effort to create memories which will help those who are connected to us. Let us leave behind tales, traditions and ties that will stay long after we are gone. Let us make sure that what survives us is worth remembering.

"A Mindset of Vigilance"

After the Boston bombings all you hear on the news and radio are calls for a more vigilant, closed and alert America, and frankly who can dispute the need for this given that a couple of young boys can so easily disrupt the peace and security of this country's cities? But necessary as that might be, it is not a happy thing. It is saddening to think that a nation, a people, so entrenched with a feeling of freedom and openness should have to change its very core.

Historically, America as a nation has been built upon the pioneering spirit of immigrants. Those who dared to do were welcomed here and got the opportunity at a fresh start. For centuries it has been a land where people came from anywhere and everywhere and made it their home. In many ways this was also responsible for its success- people with a go-getter spirit are hard working, innovative and in the end more likely to succeed.  So, if this new wave of what can only be called necessary paranoia does manage to grip the psyche and the soul of this nation, what will it do to its spirit? I am sure the answer is not a very comforting one. It will stifle something very critical, something that keeps societies from slipping into the dead landscape of a risk-free stagnant life.

Innovation,diversity and tolerance are what move a society and more critically the human race, forward. If you take these away and replace it all with "a mindset of vigilance", people will only be spending time  avoiding danger never having tasted the rewards that come from taking a risk.They will exist but never really live.

So That is why They Call it Spring

Driving back home today after dropping off Kabir to school I was surprised by how different the landscape was looking, suddenly. The gloomy, barren look of the tress was replaced by an almost green haze of the tiniest of tiny leaves, the cherry blossom trees had very visible pink blossoms, and the grass- wow what a green! Seriously, till early this week everything still said- WINTER, and now all this life seemed to be literally "springing" out of everything. A couple of good rain showers, some warm weather and lo behold we are in Spring. The change is like the name, sudden, swift and taking you aback. It is almost as if nature was there, standing at high alert behind the bark of the tress, under the dead grass in the ground and at the edge of the branches, and just as it saw the first sign of change from the weather Gods- it jumped, or rather sprang out and just put forth its bounty. So here is looking forward to a beautiful spring full of balmy days and lots of fun outdoors! Enjoy the season.

The Everyday Bravery

Just thought of writing a little note to mark a small but significant act of heroism from none other than my little Kabir. He started school last week and as expected, the first few days were difficult- a lot of crying, clinging and anxiety and that's just me. So I can only imagine his state of mind. But this week my lil trooper is really making an effort.

Yesterday he was ready and out of the door by 8:30 without any crying and when we reached the school, he spoke almost to himself saying- I will not cry and mama will come after snack time. When we reached the class room he ran and hid behind the teacher and with eyes that spoke a million words and belied the smile on his face, asked me to leave because "he loved school so much".

So here is wishing my lil boy all the very best on all his future journeys and may he always have the strength to meet the challenges and rally ahead.

Holi and the Colour of Nostalgia

Yesterday was Holi and I would have completely missed it if it hadn't been for the advertisements on the online versions of my favorite Hindi soaps. I wished whoever I could by SMS, e-mail, on FB and on the phone and we went out for my favorite Italian dinner giving me an evening off from cooking. But it didn't feel the same. Not that back in India we did anything great , it has actually been years since I really celebrated the festival, but here the "not doing anything"just seemed more compounded. And that is when it hit me- it was going to be pretty much like this for the rest of our lives here. Other than Diwali, there really wasn't going to be much celebration on some of the occasions that we grew used to in India. Our "Indian" celebrations were going to get relegated to that one big holiday and the rest were really going to be the American holidays.

And maybe this is what change is really about. This is really what is meant by having to leave the familiar behind and getting used to the new. It is not only about the physical place and the people, but also the whole gamut of things that you are so used to and that keep the rhythm going for you. And frankly it is harder than I thought. Back in India whenever somebody would ask me if I was comfortable living so far from home, I was always quick to say that I can live "ANYWHERE" and that technology made it so easy to stay in touch. But while there is Facetime and Skype and Haldiram can be mail ordered, the sights and sounds of back home are hard to mimic and recreate.So the next time someone asks me whether I miss home I will admit to being nostalgic and miss no opportunity here to enjoy things from back home.