Rediscovering Your Siblings

I have a younger brother and a sister. Growing up we did not spend too much time together. My sister and I went away to a boarding school when our brother was very young. Even we were together there was very little that just the three of us did to help us form a bond that is unique to siblings. In a household full of cousins, aunts and uncles, our circle of relationships was so large that it left no room for a unique place for each other.

Also when I look back I feel that in our teens and early adulthood we had very little emotional ability and dare I say even the motivation to really think about each other at any deep level. If anything, we fought (like most siblings) to have the upper hand in decisions like what movies to go to, what television set to buy and who would have to sacrifice our nice AC room to sleep downstairs under the fan with our grandmother!

But having come to a more mature stage in our lives, where each of us has something of our life-paths sorted out, and a stronger identity that is not just derived from our parents, I feel that we are closer now than we have ever been. Having become individuals we are now finally a group. Even though each of us lives in a different continent and this summer met up after nearly five years, there is a closeness that was not there before.

Having discovered this new bond, I have come to realize that in a world where the traditional family structures are changing radically and social support systems can be often hard to come by, a sibling can be of great comfort. First of all there is the comfort that comes from a long period of shared values and upbringing. I can for example talk to my sister about certain quirks about my parents and she will instantly understand. Where as with a stranger or even my husband that level of empathy will never come. Also with a brother or a sister it is far easier to take criticism and even unsolicited advice. You just know that it is coming from the goodness of their heart and a concern for you. You are not wondering if they are just saying things to be hurtful or to force a choice down your throat.

Technology has made it easy for the three of us to stay in touch. I am a part of my sister’s every day travails with her two little kids and get regular updates as my little brother struggles to start his own business in Australia. For their part they have been able to give their support to me during my current pregnancy and together the three of us are now a far greater source of strength to our parents than before.

So my advice to anyone who reads this- go make that phone call to your brother or sister. You will discover a friendship that is both rewarding and fun and will bring you a lifetime of comfort.