Does our childhood ever really leave us?

Like most people I have my small collection of devotional music. An eclectic mix of bhajans, chants and even a CD that my husband’s friend recorded for us of a Colorado based American singing the Hanuman Chalisa. But each morning as I look for what to put on and get my dose of bhajans, my hands will instinctively go for the CD that has bhajans I grew up listening to. It is a collection called ”Premanjali Pushpanjali”.

If it is playing in the background and I close my eyes, I am instantly transferred back to my parents’ bedroom in the small town in Punjab where I grew up. The Digital sounds of the CD change to the small sound that my mother’s prized Sanyo two-in-one used to play. I can hear her pottering around her room on a Sunday morning cleaning up and the soulful strains of the singer floating in the air.

The same is true of food. Carrot halwa is a favorite of North Indians in the winter months when the delicious red carrots are in season. Many people cook this universal favorite to almost a crisp consistency till the carrots are a deep brownish-red. My grandmother’s version was a more milky concoction where the carrots were soft and you could taste the thickened milk as the flavour burst in your mouth. She embellished it with a few almonds. That was it. Simple and clean. And surprise surprise, till date I will pick my granny’s version over any other. If someone serves the dish with cashews, raisins etc. I will unknowingly pick out all other embellishments save the almonds and enjoy the dish only if it is milky.

All this makes me wonder- if the hold of our childhood is so strong in simple choices like bhajans and dessert, surely it must have a serious and lasting impact on more significant things like value systems, morality and the way we handle our relationships. I know a lot has been written about this subject and the link is well known. But when I you think about it this way, you realize that the hold goes down to such a deep level that many of us are not even aware of it. Many a times we may be making choices and not even realizing it because we are unable to avoid that course of action. And it also means that if needed, weeding out the influence of childhood is a very tough thing to do. You can change what you are aware of. How do you begin to correct something you don’t even realize is wrong?

So as parents it only increases our responsibility that we are wise with our child’s childhood. Not to be paranoid, but parenting can not be an unplanned activity because when we choose to give that apple to them instead of a bag of chips or are rude to someone in public, we are pretty much ensuring this what they will do when we are not around